Smart Ass Cripple
One of my favorite blogs these days is Smart Ass Cripple. It's full of irreverent, often shocking hilarity by a fellow, Mike Ervin, who is every bit as funny and insightful as, say, Jesus General. At first I was a little nervous about laughing his observations and quips. But when I sent a link to my friend Paco in Madrid (himself a young man in a wheel chair), he wrote back, "I like the blog, it's fun and I do not think it is in bad taste."
A recent post by Smart Ass Cripple talks openly about the demise of the Jerry Lewis Telethon, an event that captured the attention of many Americans for several decades for reasons I've never fully understood.
"Who wants to adopt Smart Ass Cripple? I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve totally lost my identity. Ever since way back when I was a cherubic lad with just a hint of a smart ass glimmer in my eyes, they’ve been calling me Jerry’s Kid. But now that Jerry’s gone, whose kid am I?
I always knew that as one of Jerry’s Kids, I was different from regular kids. Jerry’s Kids never grow up. We’re not allowed to. It’s like they baptized us in the Fountain of Youth, except the age-retarding potency of the water in this fountain is magnified by ten thousand. It’s the Fountain of Infantilization. Even after I developed decidedly unchildlike traits, like pubic hair and a sex drive, they still called me Jerry’s Kid.
But whose kid am I now? American Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe will be taking over as one of the telethon hosts. So I suppose some big shot in the hierarchies will attempt to deem that henceforth I’m am to be known as American Idol Producer Nygel Lythgoe’s Kid.
But that’s fucked up. You can’t just extinguish a cult of personality as entrenched as Jerry’s with the mere flick of a press release. It’s going to take a Soviet style purge, maybe even another Cultural Revolution, to do that. You may have to send everybody who ever watched the telethon to re-education camps to get them to stop looking at cripples as Jerry’s Kids.
So screw it. As far as I concerned, I’m now a free agent. And I’m selling my naming rights to the highest bidder. Whoever kicks in the most cash, I will be your kid. You don’t have to be famous. Adopt me and I’m sure we’ll figure out a way to make both of us famous."
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There's more. Go read it and other gems such as "Omnipotent Ruler of the Universe."